Headcount
by Lee Whimsy
Summary: The night after the morning before. In which Jedediah is awkward, Octavius is oblivious, and they are both leaders of men. Pre-slash.


Title: Headcount

Author: Lee Whimsy

Warnings. No action. Coversation porn. Pre-slash.

Rating: Eh. T for language, I suppose.

Disclaimer: Nah, not mine. My headspace is too crowded as it is.

A/N: Written for the lj community chest_bump as a completely unsolicited "thank-you" for keeping me sane during finals. (Go and check them out!) Comments and critiques are loved; this hasn't been beta'ed, so I apologize for any suckitude that I failed to edit out.

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* * *

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It wasn't quite like waking up, but what else was there to call it?

Eyes open, head up, paws moving automatically to a pistol that—well, that _looked _like it would fire, and that had to count for something. Feet moved and muscles flexed as the miniature cowboy stretched and twisted experimentally, working out imaginary kinks from a day of not-being.

Yeah, Jedediah decided, it was pretty much like waking up.

"Heya, boss. Good to see ya 'round."

Jed turned to face the speaker: Ellis, the foreman of the blasting crew. The other man was sitting on the ground by the fence, his weathered face turned towards his _de facto_ leader and a crooked smile on his lips.

"Good to _be _around," Jed replied, running a hand over his soot-smudged face. "It got pretty hairy out there last night."

Around them, the rest of the diorama was stirring to life, noise and motion echoing against the glass case to fill the vacuum left behind by a frozen, silent day. Conversation was louder than usual, and there was a good deal of backslapping between the boys who'd been a part of the last night's action--and a fair bit of plain old slapping from their worried-to-death wives and sweethearts.

His people greeted him as they passed, all reveling in the most excitement that the Western Diorama had enjoyed in thirty-odd years.

"Swell thing, wasn't it?"

"That was some fancy footwork last night, boss!"

"Heya, sir! How'd that battle last night suit ya? Grand, en't it?"

Jed grinned and nodded at all of them, tossing back comments of his own and tipping his hat to the steady stream of female admirers. Leaning against El's fence, he let his eyes rove around the small town-world, quickly cataloging the fellows and ladies as they began their daily routines.

_John and Johnnie, over there by the well; Markie and Warren and their kids out by the corral. Jenine and her girls are in the saloon, and that's Louis out by the tracks._

_Eleven, twelve, thirteen-fourteen-fifteen—_

It was all well and good to fill out a checklist of caribou and elephants, after all, but the miniatures tended to get overlooked in the bigger world, and Jedediah would never forgive himself if one of his people hadn't made it back inside before dawn.

_There's Katie, and Jack with his new ladyfriend—Ellie, I think. Jimmy is setting up the bar, and there's Lettie whitewashing the fences._

_thirty-nine, forty, forty-one-two-three— _

"You think that giant'll be back tonight?" El asked idly, pulling out two lucifers and offering Jed one. "Place was a right mess come morning, as I recall."

Jed frowned, lighting the proffered cigarette and taking a slow drag. "Dunno. Hope so, though. Gigantor...well, he's an okay sort."

"Better than those other jackasses," El snorted through a cloud of smoke. "Least the giant lets us out when we fancy it. And he did right fine by us last night."

"He pulled our hides out of the fire, I guess," Jed admitted grudgingly. "I don't reckon he had much of an obligation to do it, either."

"You and that poncy Roman sure did give him a rough time of it," El said. "Not that I'm complaining. It's fine entertainment for the rest of us."

_One hundred forty-four, one hundred forty-five._ _Octavius. _

Guilt surged through Jed at the name. He hadn't spared a single thought for the Roman since he'd woken; not one, when the man had saved his life only last night. And sure, they'd both made it back inside, but what if the other man had been hurt worse than he'd said? He'd been limping when he and Jed were hiking through the snow back to the museum, and he was just the sort of fellow who'd keep quiet about everything from a bruise to a gut shot...

"Hell," Jed blurted out, shoving himself away from the fence and towards the edge of the diorama. 'I gotta go check on Octavius!"

El took another drag on his cigarette and watched the blond cowboy as he vaulted the fence and ran towards the ledge, snagging up a coil of rope along the way.

"Idiot boy," he muttered. "Been falling all over that foreign soldier-boy for the last twenty years, and he still don't have the sense to realize it."

* * *

Octavius was working in his quarters when he heard the knock.

"Agorix, my lord," came the muffled voice from the other side of the door. "Permission to enter?"

"Granted," he said, leaning back in his chair. If the tallies from his centurions were correct, then all his men were present and accounted for; the civilian numbers would take more time, but the orders had already gone out for a household census.

The well-oiled door opened silently, and Agorix entered, offering a brief salute as he stepped inside.

"The barbarian leader is requesting an audience with you, General," he said, tone quiet but unapologetic. "Your guards are restraining him at the moment, but he remains quite insistent."

Octavius raised an eyebrow. He could well imagine the kind of 'requests' that Jedediah was verbally assaulting his beleaguered soldiers with.

"By all means, let him in," he said, rolling his eyes in a thoroughly modern gesture of resigned irritation. "I'm sure he'll manage it eventually regardless."

Agorix was too well trained to voice his disapproval, but his slight frown told how inappropriate he thought it was, that his general would indulge the whims of a such an uncouth, belligerent foreigner. Saluting again, he vanished out the door, and within minutes he returned with a sooty-faced, filthy-clothed man whom Octavius supposed _might_ be Jedediah.

"It appears that bathing has fallen out of style in your period of history," Octavius noted dryly. "I could provide you with safe passage to the thermae, if you'd like."

"The what now?" Jed asked, confusion and irritation warring on his features; he couldn't decide whether to pout or start shouting obscenities. He was, Octavius thought, really a nauseating easy man to read.

"The public baths," he said. "You look like you could use it. I suppose I could even join you, if you'd like the company."

Underneath the grime, an inexplicable blush reddened the cowboy's face.

"Er, I reckon I'm just fine," he stammered.

"Oh?"

"Yeah, I said so," he said, loud and blustery. "You and your dandified Romans might not be able to handle a little grit, but us Westerners can take anything."

"I'm quite sure you can," Octavius said, in his best Jedediah-you-are-an-idiot voice. "Not to be curt, but did you come here for any real reason, or are you just exploring new and exciting ways in which to distract me from my very important work?"

"Hey, there's no call to be rude," Jedediah protested. "And what're you yammering about, 'important work'? You're a glorified pansy."

"I," said Octavius with great dignity, "am a servant and soldier of the Roman Empire. Your purpose for being here?"

The blond reddened again, staring down at his boots. "I--I just. You know. Big night last night."

Octavius blinked.

"Er, yes. Are you well, Jedediah? You're looking rather flushed." He stood up and walked towards the other man, a worrying thought entering his mind. "You didn't catch a sickness out in the snow last night, did you? A fever? My personal physician--"

He reached out to brush a hand against Jedediah's forehead, but the other man leapt away from the touch.

"No, I'm fine. Peachy, actually. Feelin' mighty keen," Jed babbled. "No physician necessary. Er. I'll be going now."

Octavius stepped around him and blocked the door. Now he really _was _worried. "Jed, what did you come here for?" he asked again.

Jed hesitated and then swore, his boots suddenly an object worthy of close study.

"Nothing, all right?" he snapped. "I just wanted to make sure you were--well, you know. Fine. Doing whatever Roman-ish things you spend your day doing. I'll just be going now."

He made another break for the door. Octavius blocked him.

"You mean to say that you left your land, crossed into enemy territory, and verbally harassed my guards, all in order to ensure that I was unharmed?"

Jed crossed his arms over his chest. "Well, I didn't reckon that we were still enemies," he muttered. "Seems to me that a man has a right to check up on his pal after a dust-up like we had last night."

"I--well, I suppose he does," Octavius said. There was a slow, warm happiness rising up in chest. "I assure you that apart from a few bruises, I'm quite healthy. As I hope that you are."

Jed smiled, though the expression uncharacteristically uncertain.

"Yeah, buddy," he said. "I'm real good."

The two men were grinning goofily at one another when there was a polite cough from outside the door.

"The night watchman is here," Agorix said. "He's requested your presence, General, as well as that of--" he hesitated "--of Lord Jedediah."

_Lord? _Jed mouthed incredulously. Octavius shrugged.

"We shall be there presently," he said. "My thanks."

As the two leaders left, walking side-by-side down the elegant Roman streets, Agorix was left standing by the doorway, tracking their progress towards the edge of the diorama.

"You are a foolish man, General," he murmured, "for allowing yourself to associate with a man such as that. But you are twice greater a fool for not seeing how well he loves you."


End file.
